Or will I? I long for the peace people take for granted everyday. I long for the negative and fearful thoughts to go away. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this bag I carry around with me everywhere. It's called Anxiety. It's not an occasional fear I get when faced with an unknown circumstance but its part of my every thought of my everyday. Fear consumes me. It paralyses me. It causes me to live in chains bound by the very fears that hold me captive. People ask what are you scared of? The answer simply... Everything! It's 3 am and I am awoken from a bad dream, that I have had several times. I sit in silence with my body fully tensed listening to every crack, breath and hallowed noise I hear.
Peace? What is that? It's something so far away right now that if it were in front of me, I wouldn't recognize it. I know where peace comes from, I have access to it because my Father in heaven would happily grant it to me. He wants me to rest in His perfect peace. I reach my shackled hand out for help but quickly pull it back in because the fear is so strong, I can't see through its darkness. It's a strong vice that grips the very breath I breathe. God Im weary! God it's heavy! This bag of anxiety that I drag around from day to day. I am free in Christ yet I am bound by fear....
To be continued....
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